A Return to Normalcy

So Blogger really has not changed all that much. I find a few things irritating about the new layout but then again, I always find a few things irritating. This is not out of character for me, unlike the past three weeks.

I forgot about something I did on Wednesday, it was somewhat out of character but probably silly enough for me to do it anyways. I went to McDonalds after I dropped Serena off at school and stopped by for a drink and a cigarette. I went in and bought my Diet Coke and then walked out and was going to light one up when I thought about offering seven less minutes of life to this, what I assumed homeless man. I took two cigarettes out of my car and approached him and asked if he wanted one. He replied, "No, thank you." I asked him if he was okay with it if I stood and smoked. He told me that he didn't mind and he introduced himself. We talked he showed me a necklace he was wearing, some sort of rock (he had a name for it, I cannot recall the name) and we chatted for a few. I inquired as to whether or not he had breakfast yet, he answered, "Not yet, but I'm working on it." So I offered to buy him breakfast but I had to go to my car first and get my debit card because I do not carry cash on me. I told him that I would be back. For a split second I wondered if he thought I was going to get in my car and drive away. We went into McDonalds and I bought him a number 10, informing the lady that David was going to order breakfast. I paid, he got the food, and I left. I told him to have a good day and he said thank you.

I once bought a paper from this homeless man in a wheel chair who use to sell newspapers by Villiage Inn on El Paseo Rd., when I was in collage. I think he witnessed the accident that I had gotten myself into and spoke to the police. I felt I needed to return the favor and tipped him well.

I wanted to do something nice on Wednesday since Nick had done something nice for me. He had absolutely no obligation to call me back but he did. Why not pay it forward? For as crappy as that movie was (I hate the ending) it did had a good underlying message to it. Be kind to someone else and you get fucked anyways. The movie is a little bit fuzzy because I only saw it once as it completely scarred me, if I want to see a depressing story I can just read my journal. I go to the movies to be happy, to see things that I know do not happen in real life.

So I bought a book this morning and a pair of shoes. The book depressed me further, I broke down in Barnes and Nobles while reading it to Jana. I then felt obligated to buy the damn book and purchased it, red eyes and everything. I know the cashier looked at the title of the book and felt sorry for me because she told me, "I hope you have a really good day." Enough of that. I am hoping to get inspired to get some school work done. I think I am almost there.

It feels funny to blog on here again. I deleted my blog when I got divorced. I am sad that I deleted all of those memories and thoughts, if only on the world wide web. It was just too painful and of course my Mother made me paranoid. Well here I am, four years later. In some ways I think I have changed so much in those four years, yet alone the last two years. However, I am left wondering if I have changed dramatically in the past month. Is this changing? Or a brief moment in the grand scheme of life. Have I really been acting out of character or is this part of my character? Or better yet, has this been apart of my character all along? I can barely recognize myself. I do not know who this girl is who cries in public, in school, to complete strangers, who pours out her thoughts and feelings to a stranger, while having wine, at school, to her ex-husband. I have been wanting to take and slap her but for what? I want to know what crime I have committed, do my time, and be done with it.