Goodbye 2008

Hello 2009. As always, I find myself welcoming another year, hoping it will be better than the last. Though I'd have to say, that 2008 was better than 2007 and 2007 better than 2006, it still ranked pretty low on the scale of best years ever. The past month has been pretty good, good is all relative though. I find myself ending another year with a different person than the last year. I am wondering if this is going to be a pattern, I sure as hell hope not. In some ways, I find it hard to fathom that it's already been three years since I had what I'd call a traditional Christmas. I suppose I hate the holiday more now, because it reminds me that "we" are a broken family, rather than the every day hustle and bustle.

For once though, I am looking forward to 2009. I'll wrap up my graduate school (Yeah!) and begin living again, I hope. I also hope to get Serena more involved this year, soccer and a summer program so that she's around more kids. I think this year will also bring a lessened sense of hostility towards Shane (my ex-husband) as I am confident that I have found a person who believes that I am worth it. I know I've got a long ways towards letting go and letting bygones be bygones but I hope I am getting closer towards that path. It seems as though I am pretty hopeful these days. Well off to bed. Goodbye wake me up when 2009 begins.

My boyfriend's back

Got that song suck in my head. I don't know, the term "boyfriend" seems so juvenile; it's not a term I favor. Partner, significant other? Partner makes me sound like a lesbian (nothing wrong with that), especially when I use the term "girlfriend" to describe my friends who are female. So maybe I'll refer to my boyfriend as my significant other because he is that, maybe more. There isn't really a term that fits the description. I'll just call him Scott.

I am going under the knife on Wednesday morning. The result should involve 2 pins and a screw; a bunch of pain, pain killers, and maybe crutches. Won't know until after the surgery. It's part 2 for the foot surgery, part 3 will come in a year and a half when I'm off for the summer again and done with school. That means I will have a semester of whatever freedom is defined as. I've got one more day of teaching school left until 2009. After Monday I'm taking almost 2 weeks of sick leave. I am currently working on the final manuscript of a research paper I need to turn in on Tuesday. Then I can declare Grad school work done until 2009.

I got an espresso maker last week. It's awesome. I know own four machines that take coffee but all serve different purposes. I have the weekend one (it makes 4 cups of coffee), I have the work one which just makes coffee (I still have to take it to work), the one I take to work (it brews and grinds) and now the espresso for the morning and at night. The only bad thing about the espresso machine is it doesn't turn off so that was me tonight, letting it overflow. My bad.

Anyhow, you probably won't hear from me for another month. How time will fly. In the next month I hope to see Nights in Rodanthe because I recently have read the book by Nicholas Sparks. For my downtime, I've saved up a few Nicholas Sparks and John Steinbeck books. A perfect note to end the year on.

Dating School

So my guy friend told me last night that I should go to Dating School, so that I could learn the things to do and not to do, along with the things to say and not to say. Needless to say, the past week, I've been on several dates with different men and though I managed somehow not to scare them both off, one scared me off and the other has me hooked. Tomorrow is my birthday (yeah me). I will be in court again near my birthday (court dates seem to be my birthday gifts). I actually pulled a total non-Sara thing and invited colleagues of mine to go out tomorrow for happy hour and told them they had to come because it was my birthday. Of course I want to wear a short skirt but it's going to be cold so I think I'll pick warmness over vanity. I had a Manifest Determination today involving student, parent, staff, and administration. I used my teacher voice and told the student I was going to stand my ground, told him not to interrupt me while I was speaking and then later regretting my Negative Nelly and told him that I believed in him which is why I am always in his face. Come on, he shares the same last name of a famous Mexican Revolutionist, how can I not fight for him?

Numbers

Well Halloween has come and gone. I went on a date (dinner and drinks) on Friday, and eventually went to Hurricane Alley where I proceeded to get a couple of numbers, good and bad. Good because I like one of the guys (though now I'm having second thoughts) and bad because the other one is the brother of the teacher a few doors down from me (did you follow all of that?) and he's not my type. What was I thinking? Maybe we could hang out as friends but when you use the word sexy it takes away the chance for friendship, right? Whatever, more drama problems which all in all are pretty silly. Dammit though, drinking the night away and dealing with the consequences of the new problems created because of the previous' nights actions, is so 10 years ago. Bleh.

It's that Time again

Soon Halloween will come and pass and before I know it, Christmas will be in a few days. It happens every year. I say, "I thought it was just February." Well for starters, I'm glad it's not February. I'd hate to have to relive that month. I've got a shit load of things to be doing and very little motivation. I did get the title on my paper done tonight (plus the reference) so half the battle is done. I have like a ton of missing assignments to do for my Saturday class. Plus I've got more coming. I have a sink full of dirty dishes and a dishwasher full of clean dishes. I'm tired (big surprise there) and all I'd really like to do is sleep until the next decade comes. Maybe it will be better. I highly doubt it.

I did have a lot of fun this weekend. Not real productive but fun. I had such a good time on Friday, I don't even remember it all. Just call me Mrs. Robinson. I think I would almost rather be annoyed than lonely. I also think it's probably greener on the other side and I just haven't been annoyed in 6 months so I've forgotten what it's like. Well the dishes haven't yet unloaded themselves, Cinderellie has to get back to work. Until next time.

Redemption

I think it's a bad sign that I can't even spell redemption right. I hope to get some at some point in time so that I don't rot in hell forever. However, I think the things I've done and the thoughts I've had are worth it. Speaking of that. I hate my ex-husband, he's an asshole.

Another week has passed by, thank God. I'm still behind on my school work but hope this week will be the week I get motivated. I've been having trouble wanting to get out of bed lately. I hear that's what happens when you're depressed. The low point must come and then I can only go up from there. I think I'll pick it up tomorrow; I missed a certified letter in the mail today from my ex-husband's lawyer. Okay, well it's getting late and I wouldn't want to put anymore down here than I already have, this late at night. I can't be held accountable for anything I say or type after 8pm.

Seven

The word I want to say is a harsh word, slightly inappropriate and starts with the seventh letter of the alphabet. I am sorta at the point where if I had the liberty, I would go around and just say to people, Fuck off. I know that this would lead to problems at the work place and in my personal life but sometimes the movie playing in my head is of the scenario: people telling me stuff and me replying, "fuck off" or "shut the fuck up" and then walking away. Like when Shane talked to me today, I wanted to say, "shut the fuck up" and walk away. When my colleague told me something completely stupid, I wanted to say, "shut the fuck up, you're an idiot." but decided that wasn't appropriate to be saying at work. When he approached me later, I wanted to say, "fuck off, asshole" but only waved. When I caught a kid surfing MySpace today and denied it, I wanted to say "Shut the fuck up, I saw you" instead I said that I saw his MySpace page up and asked if he was calling me a liar. Thankfully I am technologically savvy enough to navigate FireFox to figure out how to prove what he was surfing and when (he closed the tab). After that, I told him I wasn't an idiot and I didn't appreaciate him lying to me.

I am wondering now, how many people must think I am an idiot. I get lied too more often than not. I wonder if people think I got off the boat yesterday or something. Do I really look that stupid? Or is it really, are they that stupid to think I would believe their lies. Hmm...